How are you? I am fine.

It was almost a year ago that I mentioned South Africans’ formal email prose. Today, I’m focusing on telephone etiquette. I have been making more and more phone calls at work and South African phone introductions are something that never cease to amuse me. 

90% of my phone conversations at work start like this:

      Me: Hello
      Caller: Hello Moira. How are you?
      Me: I am fine.
      Caller: I am fine. PAUSE. This is ____ calling. 
      Me: Hi _____.

Say it out loud. 
Compare it to the conversations you have. Better yet, test it out the next time you call someone. Does anything strike you as out of the ordinary?

There are 2 things about this exchange that are so very foreign to me.

The first is the very South African habit of saying “I am fine” whether or not the question was asked. In SA “How are you?” is not really a question, it’s a greeting, and it always cracks me up to hear people offer up an unprompted “I am fine.” I have actually adopted the habit and say it myself from time to time, although as it comes out of my mouth I am always sure that I am somehow applying the custom incorrectly. 

The second noteworthy aspect of these introductions is the relatively lengthy exchange that takes place before the caller ever introduces him or herself. By the time they offer up their name I have usually already figured out who it is and the introduction seems redundant. For those times that I do not recognize the person’s voice the exchange of formalities before introductions always makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. 

This exchange raises a good many questions for me including: Am I doing it right?? If I recognize the voice should I say, “Hi ____!”? If I don’t recognize the voice should I ask who is speaking? Am I expected to ask the person how they are doing before they offer up “I am fine”? Am I extremely rude when I call people and immediately say “Hello ____, this is Moira.”? Am I expected to rather first take the time to find out how they are??

Oye! 

Times like these I give thanks for my American accent which, in most situations, clears me of cultural wrongdoings. And while I don’t expect that anyone would skewer me for improperly exchanging formalities over the telephone, I still find comfort in being able to attribute my cultural faux pas to my status as a foreigner. The anthropology major in me knows that merely recognizing my cultural missteps brings me halfway to ‘going native’, but that doesn’t make me feel like any less of a buffoon on the other end of the line. 

I am fine.